Egg Carton Owls and Other Thoughts

My favourite craft that the kids and I created during home school is the egg carton snowy owl. I might have enjoyed making these a little more then the kids. We used little sections of tissue paper to represent the feathers. The glue itself is instant entrainment for them. Sometimes I just don’t feel like doing crafts. For all the paint, tape, toilet rolls, markers, and mess that covers the dining room table, it may only amount to 10 minutes of activity. It’s exhausting. But my little ones love it! They get to stretch their creative muscles and make many choices. They get so much out of cutting and pasting bits and pieces together. We’ve moved on now to Science experiments. I mean I am about to willingly buy glitter, white vinegar, and food colouring all so my kids can make an exploding frothy potion go basically everywhere. This is a house keeping disaster. But to see my kiddos faces light up and know their minds are being blown as they learn a little about the world around them… It’s worth it.

Snowy Owls

I have a few other projects lined up this summer which includes clearing out the guest room, utility room, and my car. All of these tasks, if completed, will make my husband a very happy man. I don’t really relish organising things, but it needs to be done. These mundane things really do matter if you can make a loved one feel better. Especially now when the situation we are in is so uncertain. If I am struggling to smile, I’ve recently learned that making someone else smile makes all the difference. Bible teacher and writer, Joyce Meyer, says when you have a problem, “trust God and do good.” I think she is absolutely right. When I am tempted to wallow in my own troubles (and it is tempting to do so) I try to encourage someone else. I also ask for help. I ask my friends to pray with me. Neither of these things are easy to do, but the benefits are so worth it. Instantly, my focus is off of me. Now I’m free for God to show me how I can help someone else. Putting other people first is what it is all about and ironically, brings me joy too.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

It Starts at Home

A good friend of mine said, “Blog!” So, here we go. I’m not sure how we got from March to June without an update. It’s been a whirling merry-go-round of home schooling, coffee, playing, clapping, Zoom chats, reading together, time outs, baking bread, laughter, singing, living room dance parties, news briefings, tears, projects, daily walks, scooters, scavenger hunts, den building, shopping wearing masks, watching SGN, not sleeping, going back to sleep and wearing stretchy comfy clothes around the clock. We’ve had virtual birthdays and virtual date nights. Sadly, we’ve had one virtual memorial. We are tired.

As things slowly open up again, we look for normality. This week our bubble world changes. Our oldest child returns to school on Thursdays and Fridays. It will be a good change for her and everyone. I’m pleased we still have three days of home schooling together. We will miss her. The virus is still a threat, but I have faith that the school’s staff are doing all they can to minimise infection.

We made our own pizzas.

Though physically we have kept our distance, in some ways we are closer to people than ever. How could we not let others into our hearts with so much sickness and loss around us? And there is another virus which has plagued our society for too many years. We have watched the brutality and racism play out before us in the news. Often I feel helpless. What can I do? How can I show love and respect for my fellow humans in pain and fear and righteous anger? So I pray. I examine myself and ask God to search my heart, bring to light my own prejudices and bias. I try to educate myself.

In outrage, I share stories. I raise awareness amongst my friends and family. I realise my greatest power for change starts right here in my home. I teach my children to love and include people. I teach them that we are all made in God’s image. We are all worthy of love, respect, equal rights and freedom. No one should have to live in fear for their lives for the colour of their skin. I ask for wisdom. I vote and stand up for justice as much as possible. I draw near to God and as His word says, He draws near to me. (James 4:8)

If you are feeling overwhelmed or powerless in these difficult and uncertain times, draw near to the Source. Draw near to the light that is Jesus.

Happy Pancake Day

Let the pancake frying begin!

I feel really full of pancakes right now. As Ivy and Albert drift off to sleep, my heart feels full as well. This is truly a special time. As we begin the Lent season, I try to focus on what these six weeks are all about. Sacrifice. Preparation. Contemplation. And teaching my children about Jesus. I have decided to give up desserts this year. It’s a broad category including cakes, sweets, and my tired mummy stash of dark chocolate for daily emergencies! It will be a good practice in self control but a small gesture when compared to the ultimate sacrifice Christ made for us. I came across this verse the other day as I was reading. “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) It made me think about the spiritual discipline that I need. Am I harbouring negative thoughts? Or regrets that may be holding me back? What’s in my heart that I need to give up? I hope to dive into these issues and more with the Lord over the next 40 days. Will you join me? Are you observing Lent this year? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. And excuse me as I go eat my last bit of chocolate for the next six weeks!

Embrace the Grace

Art work by Ivy Grace

My original title for this piece was “Embrace the Chaos,” but I think this is the wrong idea. Last week, chaos came in the form of noses bleeds, a flushed iPhone, and one bag with wallet left in a hospital restroom! I am trying to model stability and set a good example for my little humans. Not only is it exhausting but I often feel like I am missing the mark. I don’t know where my idea that family life is supposed to run smoothly comes from, but it’s there in the back of my mind, laughing at me. 

Then in my morning verses I find, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8) Something inside me says, “Ahhh.” I feel a little more relaxed. While I know that I am not sufficient in all things myself, God gives me the grace to do what I need to do. His grace, if I accept it, will keep me calm. My bag, by the way, was safely returned to us and my phone seems to be working. (Praise God!)

Although the kids will bonk heads and get nose bleeds (Albert is okay, bless him) and I will continue to lose things, we will make it through the day. Life will continue to throw some chaos my way, but I don’t have to let it wreck me. I can stand strong in the grace of God. It is very reassuring to this mama to know that the weight of my role doesn’t rest solely on my shoulders.

 So, if your day turns unexpectedly or your having a rough time, try to embrace the grace. That is my prayer today. Dear Lord, please help me to embrace your loving grace. Amen.

 

Only Love

Happy New Year everyone! Christmas has come and gone again. It was wonderful experiencing the holiday anew with our little one Ivy. She was so excited. On the other hand, Christmas can also be a little sad for me living so far from family and remembering lost loved ones. Even so, I love this time of year. At the core of it all is the joy of the gospel, the good news of Jesus Christ. Emmanuel. God is with us. The miracle of God’s love which I want to keep with me throughout the year.

During my blog hiatus, I sat down to write (especially since the US election) many times. I was just too emotional and angry to publish. I didn’t want to add to the barrage of negativity already out there.  I wanted to wait until I could encourage and lift us up. My conclusion after taking time to think about it is, all that matters is love. Maybe that sounds overly simple, but it is the truth.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned,^[a] but have not love, it profits me nothing.” 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

I am in the middle of a Bible study called Power Thoughts by Joyce Meyer. The idea of the book is on purpose thinking and aligning my inner life with God’s word. Replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts. The chapter I am studying now is: “I love people and I enjoy helping them.” This is more challenging than I expected it to be for me. I love people, I really do. But am I actively loving people? Do I demonstrate God’s love to others? Love is an action. It’s easy for me to say I love people, but what do I do about it? As I process 2016 and dive head first into 2017, I want my focus to be on other people. I ask God daily to let something good happen through me to bless someone else. I also ask Him for the courage to reach out to people whenever the opportunity arises. I think in the world we live in now, more than ever, people need to know love, real no strings-attached or hidden agenda love.

How about you, dear reader? Is there a burden on your heart for 2017? What are you determined to do better or differently this year? Please, click on the comment button above and share your heart.

 

Traveling Mercies, Traveling Confession

A month ago, my daughter Ivy and I traveled from the UK to Kentucky to pay respects to my great-grandmother who passed away. It was truly a blessing to be with family. The trip required long plane journeys and one exhausted mama carrying a then 11 month old around in her carrier. Strap about 20 pounds to yourself plus suitcases and walk around your neighborhood a few times. Traveling with a little one is challenging. It is the reality of living thousands of miles away from home and building a new home abroad.

Ivy, surprisingly, is a pro at travel. We went to Florida in March for my sister’s birthday and to introduce her to my side of the family. Ivy loved it. She loves looking at people. Of course, she was also 6 months on our first flight; little, portable, and happy to curl up on mommy and sleep. This second trip to America at 11 months was a little trickier. I really wanted to just let her crawl around. It was cramped. Luckily, she didn’t seem to mind being on my lap and slept most of the flights. It must be the sound of the engines. When Ivy was awake, she was thrilled to practice her new skill: waving hello. I had to tell a few passengers that she will wave for hours and they don’t have to keep waving back. She made people smile.

It has almost become an urban legend how difficult traveling is with a baby or toddler. You expect to be publicly shamed or flogged by other passengers. We’ve all either heard of or experienced that flight ruined with a screaming inconsolable baby. I was extremely blessed with a content little one.  I made sure to nurse her or give her a drink as we took off or landed and that really does help with the equilibrium in her ears. The air pressure affects some babies.  I was also truly blessed with quite a few helping hands on this last journey.  The other passengers were so kind. I have to admit that I was surprised. I had help lifting my suitcases to go in the overhead. Someone helped to carry an extra case I had to bring with me on my flight back to the UK to the airport gate shuttle. While waiting at the gate, a perfect stranger allowed me to use his cell phone so I could call my mom and get flight information back to my husband. These sound like small simple things, but in the moment they felt like miracles to me.

Now here is the confession part. I didn’t deserve any of the help I received.  Pre-baby, I did a lot of traveling. I was the younger single person on the plane who rolled her eyes when I saw a couple with kids inch their way down the tiny plane aisle. I cringed when seated near a baby. I just wanted to sleep or read or watch a film on a peaceful flight. I thought to myself why can’t she just keep her baby quiet. I had no idea what being a parent was like or that sometimes no matter what you do the baby won’t settle. I once asked a flight attendant to find me another seat as I was on the end of a long row of kids whose parents were happily snuggled across the aisle with their earphones placed firmly on their heads on a long flight. I did not want to be a free babysitter. The attendant said, “One day you will have kids.” I remember saying, “But not today!” I was never outwardly mean to anyone flying with kids, but I wasn’t overly helpful either. Inwardly, I judged parents. It’s easy to judge people when you have no idea what someone is going through.

My question is why was I so blessed? I didn’t sow very good seeds for flying with my little one. I reaped kindnesses I was unwilling to give in the past. It’s a blazing example of God’s goodness and my need. Since asking Jesus into my life, I have received so many gifts that I do not deserve or could ever earn. Because of Him, I am not the same person that I used to be. I am a work in progress. I am thankful that God’s grace doesn’t depend on my performance. “And of His fullness we have all received, and grace for grace.” (John 1:16)

I am thankful that Ivy is such a good traveler. I look forward to many more flights with my family in future. I look forward to opportunities to help someone else maybe struggling with a little one.

 

Balancing Act

We are going away tomorrow. It will be our first family vacation. (British translation: holiday.) We are spending one day at Stonehenge then heading to the south coast in Devon to stay in a camper by the beach. (British translation: caravan.) I’m excited to see how our little Ivy will react to the ocean. I’m excited for it to be just the three of us with time to play and relax. I need a break from our routine. It’s a good routine. I just need to shake things up a bit. It has been 10 days since my last post. Time to write is hard for me to find. Where does time go? It’s a stupid question, but one I always ask. I have recently officially left my job to be a full-time mom, part-time Avon lady, and house wife. I feel very blessed to be able to leave my work. I am grateful to my husband. That being said, I have never been busier. I simply don’t know what I did before. Time is the great commodity. You can have all the money in the world, but if you don’t have (or take) the time to live, who cares? What good is it?

I feel pressure to manage my time better. I have spent this week getting my chores and errands done before leaving town. The house needed a good clean. It’s always nice to come home to a neat place when you have been away. It really dawned on me that I am “the Mom” as I rushed around to get things packed and ready. It feels like it’s all down to me to make things happen. My husband helps for sure, but he has been really busy with work. (Thank God!) I feel over whelmed at times. This morning as I felt the panic of my to do list, I stopped and prayed. It was like a weight was lifted. I still had a lot to do but my attitude changed. I also played and laughed with Ivy. She is sleeping soundly at the moment. I should be taking advantage and closing my eyes. I’m too wound up to sleep. Plus it is in these little pockets of time that I get to create (or vent.)  I love every minute with my sweet baby even when she is getting on my nerves. However, time to recharge is vital to me. My writing is important to me though I haven’t behaved as if it is. I need to carve out some creative time. I need to prioritize. Perhaps this diary-like rant is one big cry out to God for help. (Lord, Jesus, please here my prayer. Please help me to put you first and everything else will fall into place. Thank you. Amen.)

My goal and dream this week is to enjoy my husband and daughter but to also find some time to write. I really want Ivy to grow up watching us following our dreams and pursuing our passions. It’s time to work on my book again and finish it. Or at least see what story is there. If any. (Big sigh.) I will somewhat unplug while away. I wish you all well out there in the blogosphere. I shall return with fresh posts and energy I hope. I must close by asking you, dear readers. How do you cope? Do you manage your time well? Please click on the comment button above and spill your guts. I need all the advice I can get.

 

Mommy Guilt

So far, big chunks of my parenting time involves sitting in the dark trying to get my little lamb to sleep. Even as I write this post, she is behind me snoring. (Yet I cannot turn my brain off.) Before Ivy, I said that I would never let our little one sleep in our bed. Our room was going to be our sacred love space. Ha! Then you bring home this tiny, red, adorable, eating, pooping creature and your heart swells. You want this little person with you always. And you want her to thrive. It’s amazing to be needed this much. It’s scary. Did I mention that it is scary? I’m responsible for her! That is where the guilt comes in, wild sleepless mommy guilt. Am I doing this right? Will I scar her for life? Will she still be sleeping with us when she is 10? Please God, protect her from my mistakes. Because I will make a lot of them and for that reason I feel bad.

I feel the pang of guilt for ridiculous things sometimes. Things like taking a shower or a few minutes to myself just don’t feel the same. I’m always thinking of my daughter. I feel guilty for running off to take my Zumba class. I know it’s irrational. I know I need to recharge my batteries. I know Ivy needs bonding time with her dad. It just feels strange to leave her. I feel guilty because I have changed. I used to be so on top of everything. Now I am forgetful. I still think I can do it all, but I can’t. Sometimes you just can’t go out or volunteer or do some of the things you used to do. I don’t always say no when I should. I hate letting people down, another source of guilt. Add in lack of sleep and I easily spread myself too thin. Then I get grumpy. Then I feel bad… I’m sure you see where this is going. Is there no end to mommy guilt?

Even before my daughter was born I struggled with guilt. I would feel bad about mistakes or saying the wrong thing for days. If I unintentionally hurt someone forget about it! I was and still can be wrecked over it. In balance, these feelings aren’t all bad.  Healthy guilt keeps my conscience in check. Guilt on overload keeps me bogged down. I pray. I ask God to help me know the difference between conviction and condemnation. Old mishaps come back to haunt and I feel the pangs of guilt yet again. This is a yoke of bondage that I was not meant to carry. “For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16 (ESV) I love grace. It is God’s unmerited favor. Grace lifts my burden of guilt. I know that I am forgiven. Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice of love has set me free. In the end, I only want the absolute best for my baby girl. All I can do is offer up my efforts and ask God to bless them.

Do you suffer from “the guilt”? Can any mamas out there relate? Please click on the comment button above and share. Thank you.

Magic Spit and Other Motherhood Truths

I like to think that I am still myself since becoming a mother; myself with enhancements. Instincts kick in when all else fails. Necessity breeds new skills. My whole being has become attuned with this new little person. For instance, I can tell a pain cry from a hunger cry from a scared cry from an I-just-want-you-to-look-at me-cry.  I can down a whole bottle of water in less than a minute. (Nursing makes you thirsty.) I can clean my daughter’s face with a bit of spit and my thumb. This is a reflex by the way if you don’t have a wet wipe on hand. I can sleep sitting up. I can function on four hours of broken sleep. I can multitask almost any chore while nursing Ivy especially with my handy baby carrier or sling. I can entertain my little one while going to the bathroom. (Sorry folks. Motherhood isn’t always polite.) I can handle all of the bodily functions of my baby without being sick or gagging. (Okay, I gagged once, but that was a really bad diaper in the early days.) Those who know my squeamish former self will be impressed.

Self care is still important, but the aim has changed. I care less about the size of my jeans and more about longevity.  Her health and well-being depends on mine and my husband’s. Our aches and pains take a backseat as her needs are naturally more important. I can let a full fifteen minutes pass by just watching her breath and stretch and smile in her sleep. (The noises thrill me. Babies make the best noises.) I can spot a missing sock like an expert marksman. I can catch a thrown sippy cup with quick reflex. I can recite silly songs and nursery rhymes on demand from some long forgotten place in my mind. I make funny sounds and foolish faces just to get Ivy to giggle. I am the court jester, singer, teacher, nurse, cook and coach to name a few. Though I have lost some abilities in motherhood (like remembering what my husband said five minutes ago) what I have gained is worth so much more.

I’m no super human. At times it feels like I need to be. I am so grateful to have my husband. Watching him be a dad is another level of joy. My heart has grown. The absolute pleasure and pain that comes with being a parent is indescribable. I want so much for her to be well and happy. I realize more clearly how one moment or one mistake can change life completely. I pray for help, guidance, and protection throughout the day. I ask God to make me the mother I need to be for this little one. Whatever I can or can’t do as a parent, my strength comes from Him. I hold Ivy close and know that the love I feel is otherworldly. I hold her in my arms and think this is how God sees each one of us; His child so dearly cared for. Even with all the love I feel for Ivy, it pales in comparison to the love God has for us.

Mommas, parents, caregivers, have I left anything out? Click on the comment button above and please, share your experiences.

Breakfast with Ivy Grace