Avon Calling

As an American living in England, Avon is a little piece of home for me. I can remember being passed a book by ladies in church. As a young girl, I was excited to look through the pages and pick out a lip gloss or perfume. My mother used to order their musk fragrance. The scent lovingly reminds me of her now. I have recently become a representative for Avon. I love their mineral make up and diverse products. The products are quality. The company is reliable. And the prices make gifts and beauty essentials attainable.

As a new mama, I am happy to help the family income while looking after my lively 10 month old daughter. This will be an adventure. I have already begun knocking on doors and passing out books to friends. If you are in the UK and you don’t already have a representative, please stop by my online store: http://www.avon.uk.com/store/mamasbeauty. If you are within 10 miles of CB9 9SJ, delivery is free. Otherwise, there is a small postage fee. Thank you!

Do you have an Avon story? Do you have advice on working from home for new mamas? Please click on the comment button above and share.

Mommy Guilt

So far, big chunks of my parenting time involves sitting in the dark trying to get my little lamb to sleep. Even as I write this post, she is behind me snoring. (Yet I cannot turn my brain off.) Before Ivy, I said that I would never let our little one sleep in our bed. Our room was going to be our sacred love space. Ha! Then you bring home this tiny, red, adorable, eating, pooping creature and your heart swells. You want this little person with you always. And you want her to thrive. It’s amazing to be needed this much. It’s scary. Did I mention that it is scary? I’m responsible for her! That is where the guilt comes in, wild sleepless mommy guilt. Am I doing this right? Will I scar her for life? Will she still be sleeping with us when she is 10? Please God, protect her from my mistakes. Because I will make a lot of them and for that reason I feel bad.

I feel the pang of guilt for ridiculous things sometimes. Things like taking a shower or a few minutes to myself just don’t feel the same. I’m always thinking of my daughter. I feel guilty for running off to take my Zumba class. I know it’s irrational. I know I need to recharge my batteries. I know Ivy needs bonding time with her dad. It just feels strange to leave her. I feel guilty because I have changed. I used to be so on top of everything. Now I am forgetful. I still think I can do it all, but I can’t. Sometimes you just can’t go out or volunteer or do some of the things you used to do. I don’t always say no when I should. I hate letting people down, another source of guilt. Add in lack of sleep and I easily spread myself too thin. Then I get grumpy. Then I feel bad… I’m sure you see where this is going. Is there no end to mommy guilt?

Even before my daughter was born I struggled with guilt. I would feel bad about mistakes or saying the wrong thing for days. If I unintentionally hurt someone forget about it! I was and still can be wrecked over it. In balance, these feelings aren’t all bad.  Healthy guilt keeps my conscience in check. Guilt on overload keeps me bogged down. I pray. I ask God to help me know the difference between conviction and condemnation. Old mishaps come back to haunt and I feel the pangs of guilt yet again. This is a yoke of bondage that I was not meant to carry. “For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:16 (ESV) I love grace. It is God’s unmerited favor. Grace lifts my burden of guilt. I know that I am forgiven. Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice of love has set me free. In the end, I only want the absolute best for my baby girl. All I can do is offer up my efforts and ask God to bless them.

Do you suffer from “the guilt”? Can any mamas out there relate? Please click on the comment button above and share. Thank you.

Some of my Favorites

The European Championship football tournament has begun. (That’s soccer to my Americano friends.) Needless to say I will have a lot of time to read on the couch while my husband watches the games. (In between tending to my little one of course.) Though I will miss my sweetheart, time to read is every bookworm’s dream.  It’s what every rainy day was made for. This circumstance prompted me to write an index of my favorite books. I’m sure I’ll leave something out in my sleep-deprived state, but here we go anyway…

For Adventure:

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

The Harry Potter series by J K Rowling

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

Oliver by Charles Dickens

The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

For Drama:

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Into Thin Air by Jon Krakauer

Jacob Have I Loved by Katherine Paterson

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

Othello by William Shakespeare

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

For Family:

Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

The Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Matilda by Roald Dahl

The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

For Growth:

Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer (I am currently reading this one as a summer Bible study, but I can already tell that it is a good one!)

Believing God: Experiencing a Fresh Explosion of Faith by Beth Moore

Book of Esther

Book of Ruth

Esther: It’s Tough Being a Woman by Beth Moore

God Is Not Mad at You by Joyce Meyer

Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis

The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis

For Laughter:

Bridget Jones’ Diary by Helen Fielding

Emma by Jane Austen

Is it Just Me? by Miranda Hart

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

For Love:

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (Inspired by Zelda Fitzgerald)

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Much Ado About Nothing by William Shakespeare

Persuasion by Jane Austen

Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

For Teen Angst:

The Giver by Lois Lowry

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

 

There are many more books that I have loved over the  years. This is just what comes to mind at the moment. So, if you are as tired of politics as I am or need a break from bad news headlines, grab one of the above books. You won’t be disappointed. Are you a reader? Please click on the comments above and name some good reads that I have missed!

Magic Spit and Other Motherhood Truths

I like to think that I am still myself since becoming a mother; myself with enhancements. Instincts kick in when all else fails. Necessity breeds new skills. My whole being has become attuned with this new little person. For instance, I can tell a pain cry from a hunger cry from a scared cry from an I-just-want-you-to-look-at me-cry.  I can down a whole bottle of water in less than a minute. (Nursing makes you thirsty.) I can clean my daughter’s face with a bit of spit and my thumb. This is a reflex by the way if you don’t have a wet wipe on hand. I can sleep sitting up. I can function on four hours of broken sleep. I can multitask almost any chore while nursing Ivy especially with my handy baby carrier or sling. I can entertain my little one while going to the bathroom. (Sorry folks. Motherhood isn’t always polite.) I can handle all of the bodily functions of my baby without being sick or gagging. (Okay, I gagged once, but that was a really bad diaper in the early days.) Those who know my squeamish former self will be impressed.

Self care is still important, but the aim has changed. I care less about the size of my jeans and more about longevity.  Her health and well-being depends on mine and my husband’s. Our aches and pains take a backseat as her needs are naturally more important. I can let a full fifteen minutes pass by just watching her breath and stretch and smile in her sleep. (The noises thrill me. Babies make the best noises.) I can spot a missing sock like an expert marksman. I can catch a thrown sippy cup with quick reflex. I can recite silly songs and nursery rhymes on demand from some long forgotten place in my mind. I make funny sounds and foolish faces just to get Ivy to giggle. I am the court jester, singer, teacher, nurse, cook and coach to name a few. Though I have lost some abilities in motherhood (like remembering what my husband said five minutes ago) what I have gained is worth so much more.

I’m no super human. At times it feels like I need to be. I am so grateful to have my husband. Watching him be a dad is another level of joy. My heart has grown. The absolute pleasure and pain that comes with being a parent is indescribable. I want so much for her to be well and happy. I realize more clearly how one moment or one mistake can change life completely. I pray for help, guidance, and protection throughout the day. I ask God to make me the mother I need to be for this little one. Whatever I can or can’t do as a parent, my strength comes from Him. I hold Ivy close and know that the love I feel is otherworldly. I hold her in my arms and think this is how God sees each one of us; His child so dearly cared for. Even with all the love I feel for Ivy, it pales in comparison to the love God has for us.

Mommas, parents, caregivers, have I left anything out? Click on the comment button above and please, share your experiences.

Breakfast with Ivy Grace

Book Lover

Ivy Grace and Little Miss Giggles by Roger Hargreaves

You are never too young to start reading. (That’s my girl!) I love books. I can’t imagine my life without them. Can you? Even if you have gone to the dark side and purchased a Kindle, it isn’t really dark since you are experiencing an adventure of the mind. I love that you can have your own interpretation of an author’s world. The reader and writer are co-creators. It is one of humanity’s oldest collaborations: storyteller and audience. We have an inherent need to tell and take in stories from the mundane to the fantastic. It drives our souls to be heard and share experiences; to examine ourselves through the filter of a tale.

Books have shaped my life and view of the world. Reading expands the world around me introducing diverse ideas, new places, and unknown societies. If I really love a book, I will re-read it. You gain so much more on the second visit. It’s like meeting an old friend for coffee. I’ve read all of Jane Austen’s works more than once. And I’ve re-visited the Harry Potter books an embarrassing amount of times. I do love a Dickens. Who doesn’t? It is no wonder I wound up living in England. I admire so many authors that I would struggle to name just one favorite book. Perhaps my next post will be an index of great reads. One day I would like to add my own book to this list. I have no delusions that it will be great. I can only hope that I can write something readable.  As you already know “there is nothing new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9) I can only hope to add the filter of a unique perspective to the universal experience.

We readers are drawn to books because words are powerful. After all life on earth began when the Creator said, “…’Let there be light’ and there was light.” (Genesis 1:3) The spoken word becomes even more powerful if written and rehearsed. We influence the very outcome of our own lives by how we think and speak about ourselves. It is part of our design. Communication with one another is equally as important. We have the power to build each other up or take each other down. ” The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” (Proverbs 18:21) Those consequences can be an encouraged friend, a happy spouse, or the courage to complete a task. On the flip side you can wreak havoc in your relationships or stop yourself from meeting a goal with one dismissive word. We have the power to choose. Likewise, the information we take in will influence our focus. Books, films, shows, websites, texts, articles consumed often direct our thoughts. As I get older (hoping to be a grown up any day now) I choose my reading material more carefully. This is due partially to limited precious time. (See photo above.) But also because I am more aware of where I want my mind to go. I want the worlds I visit while reading to be inspiring and uplifting.

In closing, I ask you, do you have a favorite book or many favorite books? Which books do you hope the children in your life will one day read? Please click on the comment button above and share your list with me, a fellow avid reader.

For My Mother, Diana, on her Birthday

For you, Mom, on your birthday.

I know you would rather we forget. But I want to celebrate you and all that you have done.

When I think about you, Mom, I think of all that you have given.

You care and give and care and give for others over and over again.

You always put your family first. Those you love feel it true.

Your patients are much more than just a job, but lives you have touched.

You always seem to put yourself last. Thank you for your sacrificial love.

As I watch Ivy play in her toy box, I realize all that I never really knew about you, Mom.

I never knew about all the tears and smiles and sighs and laughter.

Or all the late nights you watched me sleep or worried about a cold or held me with a

piercing earache; all the times you stopped and prayed for me.

I never really knew about all the meals and baths and scraped knees kissed.

I see you clearly now, Mom, and how much it cost you to care for us;

how we three are blessed to have you.

Only now as I care for my own little one do I really see and feel your love.

Thank you is not enough. I love you more than ever, Diana, my mother, on your birthday.

Hit Refresh

Mornings. Ironically, I love them. Even after a night of broken sleep, there is something sacred about the early hours. It is quiet and still. It is as if we three are the only ones on earth. Promise. Each day is a blank notebook full of untouched pages where anything can happen. We get a built-in do-over every twenty-four hours. It is a daily miracle. When the baby and I have had a rough night of waking, crying (yes, we both cry sometimes), teething, and not settling, I feel relief when a new day comes. Though I am tired (bone tired) I know we get a chance to try again. There are some mornings when my body gives out and I feel like I can’t move. But then the baby cocks her head to the side. She smiles knowingly at me with all the love and innocent joy in her heart. Miraculously, I move. We cuddle. I nurse her. My husband changes her to give me a break. I pray. We eat breakfast. I drink coffee. I reflect.

Lamentations 3:22-24 (ESV) “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘Therefore I will hope in Him.'”

Oh, I am grateful for new mercies! A giant eraser comes and wipes away all the mistakes and frustrations from yesterday. Mornings mean possibility. Hope. And the promise of a couple of naps in my future. Breakfast doesn’t hurt either. One of my motivations for rising is food. I love breakfast. Fuel for the day. You can eat savory or sweet. These days I rely on oatmeal and coffee to energize me.

Coffee. I have had an ongoing love affair with the drink ever since my first sip of espresso at age fourteen. Coffee tastes best in the morning. It is warm and rich and comforting. As a new mom, coffee is survival. I know this season with my daughter will soon change and my old friend sleep will return to me. (Parents of toddlers, please, don’t laugh too loudly. Please, let me keep my dream.) I will treasure these morning moments when they are gone.

Mornings show God’s character; a willingness to give us chance after chance to start anew. If we need to make a change or different choice, everyday you wake is an opportunity. I realize some things can’t be changed, however, we can decide how we are going to react and the attitude we will take. I love the start of each day for all these reasons.

How about you? Are you a morning person? Click the comment button above and share.

“Perfect Love Casts Out Fear”

Confession time: It has been my wish to start a blog since December. I am a big fat scaredy-cat! Ever since I was able to write, I wrote. I became a writer of short stories, family stories, journal entries, skits, performance pieces, poems, lists, brainstorms, short film, and character sketches. One of my life dreams is to write a book.  As I am a new momma (another life dream come true), I am in desperate need of creative outlet. And as you might have guessed, I don’t get much sleep. Lying in bed waiting for the next cry or rocking and nursing my little one at 3 am gives me ample time for ideas. I also confess that I rarely share my scribbles with anyone. This is silly.

Me and my little lamb

1 John 4:18a says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…” So, here I go walking in love to do the thing that frightens me. That’s where you come in.  I need your participation and esteemed feedback. Bare with me as I find my writing feet and the courage to share my work.  I end this beginning by asking you, is there something you’ve always wanted to do? Is there something you are afraid to do even though it is your heart’s desire? Please let me know I’m not alone and share in the comments above.